Exerpt- An Abusive World

An Abusive World

A stranger comes in your home and pulls you out and takes you somewhere. You have no idea why or where you are going, even if they take you into a room with toys and try to teach you to play with them. With out the knowledge of who people are, why they are doing what they are do, all this can feel like abuse.

You can explain the meaning and purpose of school to some kids, but to a child with autism this may feel like abandonment, even though you pick them up you also bring them back. Also because school can be so much harder for them to understand and do what the others are doing it can also feel like a punishment. If they don’t know why, they can feel neglected. Withdraw or get angry at you and/or others.

Now a friend or family member you trust takes you from you house somewhere unexpectedly, you are still confused but you trust the person so you feel safe. It is better if your child can first establish trust and help with understanding “the whys”. Like being taught by family and friends first or along with others, then overlap new faces, therapist, and teachers with family and friends until they to feel like a friend. Therapist and therapies I feel are harder for some kids and cause behaviors because parents and/or familiar people are kept out.

You have children who don’t understand and can’t verbalize their fears then all this would be frightening. Sometimes others look at the age of a child and what they believe they should or would think or know, not realizing that autism doesn’t just delay learning, but social and understand and everything else as well.

So though all this you get feelings of neglected and you get behaviors, such as withdrawal, anger, and hostility. Behaviors brought on by fears, and they can lead to low self-esteem and feelings of neglect and abuse that they wont be able to identify or verbalize.

You can’t look past the child; you need to put yourself in their shoes. I know I have said this a lot, but that is how important it is and how often I have seen people not doing it.

Like a Foreigner in a foreign country, not able to understand the culture, languages, and not knowing the rules. You have to make them feel safe first and developed trust.

A child in daycare since birth who has autism may never have gotten the chance to trust, everyone may seems unfamiliar.

     An Infants with autism cries in the crib it could be the touch of the clothes or sheets etc, you pick them up, rocking, and/or bouncing everything makes it worse. If they have sensory issues to sight, sound, touch, taste, everything then a well-meaning parent could hurt the child because of sensory issues, there by making a child who is not abused feel and act as an abused child. A child with autism that has behavior issues could be brought on because of these feelings of abuse. Not understanding why everything hurts them, why no one is able to help them, the earlier on the child has autism and the longer it goes unnoticed the worse the behaviors may be.

I believe violence and withdrawal are not parts of autism but rather they are parts of abuse.

Abuse caused by lack of understanding what they were feeling and/or are feeling, because they don’t know how to tell us or else they were too young to tell us. And also the oversensitive systems they have, these are all the things, which make a child with autism shut down, or act out. Displaying typical behaviors of someone that was abused.

Not that these kids were in the legal sense abuse! I am not saying that these parents weren’t great, but if a young child with autism has sensory issues to:

 Smell and a caretaker has strong perfume/cologne, or heavy smelling household cleaners,

Or sensitivity to sound and the vacuum and dog barking or even singing to calm the child upsets the child

Or a sensitive to touch and they cry when held, or bathed, or dressed

All these things that may hurt them.

They don’t understand that baths are good for them or that holding and cuddling should feel good. Lots of kids with autism like to be held and cuddled, but some don’t, and some like to be held and cuddled all the time. Others children may have been thought of as colicky.

 Ken never had any sensitivity as a baby, or none that effected his days and nights.

Even kids without autism can and do have sensory issues, issues that may follow them through there life. Such as: not liking noisy or crowed places,

Or liking it loud, not liking to be alone,

Or not liking the quiet and so on.

Every child with autism is different just like everyone in the world is different.

Beyond Words

Beyond Words

Introduction

Through reading our story there are those who will be offended by what I share, and those that will be touched. But all will be moved, possible beyond words.

For those of you as parents how many times in day are you so busy with things that you don’t hear something your child has said? Or they possible are talking so much you have asked them to  “be quiet”? How many times do they touch your hand or pull on your arm for something and it can either annoy you, depending on the timing or go unnoticed in the course of a busy day? Like most parents I’m sure you have had these moments. They are but one in many moments, and to let one word, one touch go by out of hundreds of touches and words in a day isn’t a big deal. Can you now imaging counting every word your child says in a day, or a week? Every time they touched you or even brushed up against you, you count it or write it down? You probably couldn’t begin to fathom the time that could take to write down every word, every touch, every tug, or gesture. Even the times you touch them and they notice and look at you. Of course you love your children, you play with them, you hug them, and you enjoy them hugging you. But to memorize and write them all down would be impossible. Imagine now, dropping everything at a word or a touch? Your child touches your arm and smiles at you. So you call someone and you write it down in your journal and every touch is this important. Memorizing everything they do and say, writing it down, studying it, and sharing it? Can you imagine? Some of you may say, “You have got to be kidding the time that would take”. Imagine following a 3-year-old around and writing down every word they said in a day, every day? A 3-year–old can talk faster sometimes then you could write it down. This is that age where out at a store parents are trying to get their children to talk slower or quiet down. And what about being moved every time your child touched you, or brushed against you? Let alone hugged, kissed or pull on you for your attention. Imagine dropping everything and I mean everything, such as Christmas dinner can wait on the table if your child brought you a book to read to them. Doctor appointments and dentist appointments can wait if you child wants to play with you. Can you imagine? Some can. I can. I am a parent of a son with Autism. I have been told that I am one of the luckier parents, as my son loves to be held and is a cuddlier. I know of parents who haven’t gotten hugs from their children yet. Many parents have waited far more than a few months for their child’s first words. Some are still waiting; some have given up ever hearing their child’s first words, and some, the lucky ones move to a place beyond words.